


talia

by aurumss



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, F/F, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Break Up, Unhappy Ending, i am terrible at tagging but here's some sad namo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 20:38:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16961079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurumss/pseuds/aurumss
Summary: The last time Momo left it was with a dry and empty goodbye. She had closed the door before Nayeon could process it, cardboard box full of personal belongings in tow.





	talia

Despite how fuzzy the wine has made Nayeon’s head, the phone’s locked screen still displays the date nice and clear. It’s been little over a month, she decides. Her living room feels a bit empty, the last few times she’s gotten this drunk have been with either Dahyun or Jihyo sat next to her, blasting sad songs and belting them off-key to each other. At least then it was fun for moments. Now all Nayeon feels is a heaviness in her chest and no friends with loud playlists to distract her from it.

She sighs, lays back down on her cheap couch, eyes up toward the ceiling. If she stares long enough, she can almost trick herself into hearing a knock at the door, the familiar rapping that she used to recognize instantly and always rushed to answer. The knocking that brought with it a hello kiss, sometimes some takeout to share. The knocking that had stopped at one point, because there’s no need to knock when you have your own key. The last time, that knocking came with a muttered _I’m just here to pick up my stuff_ ; shuffling feet, staring at the ground.

Nayeon’s eyes prickle with tears as she remembers it: too polite, too quiet of an interaction. _Wrong wrong wrong_. Where were the apologies that used to tumble out of their mouths, the desperate way their words fought to fix whatever the last issue had been? The last time Momo left it was with a dry and empty goodbye. She had closed the door before Nayeon could process it, cardboard box full of personal belongings in tow. 

Before Nayeon could cry at all, a tangle of confusion had grown in her head. That hadn’t been their worst argument, not by far. It was really rather trivial, and despite Momo storming off halfway through it, Nayeon was, at one moment, sure she would come back and they would fix things like they always did. But when Momo came back the last time, it wasn’t to talk, it was with a box Sana had lent her, and she had little more than two sentences to say. Not that she hadn’t managed to make those last two sentences feel like someone was pressing down a heavy boot on Nayeon’s chest.

It was a dry sob that untangled the confusion. Despite all her affirmations to herself that the whole thing had been so sudden, through the coming days Nayeon wondered how she hadn’t seen it coming. The image of Momo turning her back, closing the door one last time, burned in her mind, but before it were a series of avoided conversations and missed connections, periods of exhaustion and frustration excused with _it’s just a bad time for us right now_. This realization had brought with it a heartache that clutched onto Nayeon and seemed it would never let go. 

Nayeon barely remembers it, but on her phone read six texts she had sent out after Momo left.

_can we talk?_

_we can get coffee if you want_

_or just come back to the apartment_

_i just want to talk_

_you always come back_

_please_

That night, Nayeon had fallen asleep waiting for a response.

—

The first time Nayeon sees her is in a house party, middle of the dance floor with Sana as they jump around and move lazily, Momo looking mesmerizing as her smile seems to light up the room, her laughter ringing out loud and musical.

The second time Nayeon sees her is at the school’s winter showcase, Momo in wildly different outfits as she drifts from number to number, Nayeon’s eyes glued to her regardless of how many other people Momo shares the stage with.

It is at the afterparty when Nayeon first asks her out. They walk out hand in hand, the chill of winter forcing them to press close against each other, and despite the cheeky comments and suggestive glances her friends give Nayeon on the way out, they don’t go back to Nayeon’s apartment. Instead they find a twenty-four hour diner where they spend three hours discussing the best flavor of pancakes and ranting to each other about the calculus professor they both had to deal with freshman year.

Then it’s nearing five in the morning, and Nayeon is walking Momo back to her dorm when Momo stops at the door, and slowly, leans in to kiss her for the first time. Cherry lip balm, a brand Nayeon would later memorize and repurchase for Momo every time she found it in a store. The kiss is short and shy, but Nayeon is left with a tingling on her lips and butterflies in her chest for the next two days.

It is another month before in front of the same door, Nayeon says, “I’d really like to call you my girlfriend, or whatever.”

Momo just gives her another cherry lip balm kiss as an answer.

—

When they get in the cab, Momo is fuming, “I fucking knew Yeeun was an asshole. I told Mina the night they hooked up for the first time.”

“But didn’t Yeeun tell Mina she didn’t want anything serious?” Nayeon earns herself a death stare from Momo.

“ _No_ , she didn’t. She just led Mina on, kept being vague as fuck whenever Mina asked her about their relationship.” The cab is silent for a moment before Momo starts up again, “and hooking up with Mina right after she broke up with her ex? That was sketch from the beginning.”

Nayeon scoffs, “Come on, now you’re gonna say people can’t have rebounds? Yeeun was like, heartbroken that night. And it’s not like Mina didn’t know she was coming from a breakup.” She knows immediately she’s said the wrong thing. Feels stupid even before Momo answers back.

“Not if her rebound is someone who’s had a crush on her for over a year. Yeeun knew too. And not only does she use her to get over a fucking ex, but cheats on her too.” 

Nayeon isn’t sure if it’s the drinks she had in the bar with their friends as they tried to cheer up Mina, or if she just feels self-destructive tonight, but she opens her mouth again. “I mean, you can’t exactly call it cheating if Yeeun didn’t even think she and Mina were girlfriends.”

This time Momo’s look is more hurt that angry. She looks so disappointed for a second that Nayeon’s cheeks tint with embarrassment.

Momo breaks eye contact to look ahead, to the back of the cab driver’s seat. “Are you serious? Did you not see Mina just now?” 

“I mean— you know what I mean. I care about Mina. A lot. But she’s your friend and maybe that makes you a little bit biased, but you can’t blame Yeeun completely. I think it was more like a misunderstanding.”

Momo just looks at Nayeon incredulously. “ _My_ friend?”

Nayeon is about to correct herself, _she’s my friend too, of course_ , but the short cab ride is over, and Momo is shoving change into the driver’s hand as she steps out before Nayeon can say anything else.

—

“You have no idea how good you look when you dance.” 

Nayeon is walking out of the bathroom after a shower, and Momo is half-practicing her newest choreography as she waits for her in the living room. She blushes as soon as she realizes Nayeon had been watching.

“Oh, sorry. I came in because you said you wanted to hang out but you were in the shower, so—“

Nayeon just laughs, “you don’t have to apologize. I love it when you stop by my apartment.” 

“Yeah?” A glint in Momo’s eyes. Nayeon walks closer, her just-washed hair leaving wet stains on her t-shirt.

“Mmhm,” Nayeon hums as she leans in to kiss Momo, “Almost love it enough to get a copy of the key made for you.”

Momo giggles as she pulls back from the kiss, “Almost?”

“It’s on my nightstand.” Nayeon admits, going back to kiss Momo, her arms now around her waist as they pull each other impossibly closer.

“Well, in that case,” Momo manages to say as Nayeon moves to peppering kisses down her neck, “we should probably go to your room. To show me the key.”

“Okay,” is all Nayeon says, her smile wider now, gaze full of warmth. “Your key.”

The following morning Nayeon wakes up to Momo’s sleeping form around her arms, her chest rising and falling peacefully as her breath lifts up a small wisp of hair over her face. Nayeon smiles at the sight, affection bubbling in her chest, a faint whisper of _love_ in the back of her head. 

“Whatcha thinking about?” Momo is awake now, her sleepy eyes crinkling at Nayeon above her. 

“Nothing, just how much I like waking up next to you.” Momo’s smile radiates happiness as she cuddles in closer to Nayeon.

“Mmm. Me too.”

—

Nayeon had been doing well. She had found enough ways to keep herself distracted, somehow had managed to keep a tight leash on her thoughts and kept them from running away to unwanted places, always staying surface level on basic things like her next class assignment and what she was going to have for lunch, maybe at most tomorrow’s plans with Dahyun. She was careful and avoided anything that might bring back unwanted memories. Nayeon now took a longer way home so she wouldn’t stop by what once was their favorite diner and stayed in the library a little longer on Wednesdays so her walk home wouldn’t coincide with the times the dance studio’s afternoon classes ended. A little bubble of pride grew in her chest every now and then when things didn’t seem so bleak, replaced immediately by guilt for feeling happy about possibly starting to get over it, but either way. She had been doing so well. 

But then she let herself get distracted. And she walked home, headphones in, and while her head drifted away to how she would outline her English essay, her feet instinctively took her through the streets she had been walking for over a year now instead of the new route she had devised for herself. Nayeon didn’t realize it until the familiar diner sign was staring her down, and it was a couple of seconds before her eyes drifted to the table in the corner, near the window. Now occupied by a couple that seemed to be having the time of their lives, a blonde girl throwing her head back in laughter, her left hand over the boy’s sitting across from her.

The words, _I’m fine, no big deal_ , bounce inside Nayeon’s head the rest of the walk home. _It’s just a fucking diner, a fucking table. Don’t be such a baby, Nayeon._ But by the time she walks into the apartment it isn’t just a diner, it is the landing with the shelf for Momo’s shoes which now sits empty, the kitchen island where Momo sat in the mornings during breakfast, it is the tube of cherry lip balm Nayeon finds in the drawer of her nightstand.

Nayeon had been doing so well, but the wound is open again, and it feels like it never started healing in the first place.

—

When Nayeon opens up the door to her apartment, she sees a figure sitting on the living room sofa, staring out the large window to the balcony. The night is clear, and the moonlight shines through to illuminate Momo in her pajamas, wearing Nayeon’s borrowed hoodie, solemn expression on her face. 

“Oh, hey, I didn’t know you’d be here. Did Sana sexile you from the dorm again?” She clicks the light on.

Momo turns around to face Nayeon, and in the new lighting Nayeon can see she’s been crying, eyes puffy and slightly red. Concern grows like a balloon in Nayeon’s chest, a balloon that deflates as soon as realization dawns on her.

“Fuck. Today was—, shit, I’m so sorry.” Nayeon clumsily tries to apologize, walks toward her girlfriend, tongue heavy with dread. “I was with my study group in the library, and this girl suggested this dumb thing to do as a break and I went and lost track of time–“

Momo just gives her a tired smile. She stands up and hugs Nayeon, face buried in her neck as she takes a deep breath.

“It’s okay,” Momo says, voice small and muffled in Nayeon’s shirt. “It wasn’t that big of a deal. The big show was the one from two weeks ago anyway.” Nayeon’s heart gets impossibly tighter. She had missed that one too.

“I can… um, I promise I’ll go to the next one.” Nayeon struggles out from the knot in her throat. 

Momo lifts her head from the crook of Nayeon’s neck to look at her, expression unreadable. “The season’s kind of over,” she says with a small smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. 

“I can come when you start up again, though, right?”

Momo just leans once more on her shoulder. “Yeah, you can.” She says after a moment.

Nayeon just hugs her back, making a silent promise to herself that she will go to all of Momo’s performances the following season. Momo knows she won’t.

—

Sadness tastes bitter. It lays down a foggy, see-through blanket over everything, you can still see but things are blurry now and colors are muted. Sadness feels heavy and numbing, and although sometimes it stabilizes itself and plateaus into a constant feeling of drowsy sorrow, every now and then the smallest things bring it back in waves, full-force tsunamis that make Nayeon feel like she’s drowning again. But most importantly, sadness never comes alone. It’s always accompanied by lingering guilt and regret and longing, it flies in full of _what-ifs_ and _if-onlys_. Frustration follows suit, as once-bright memories are flooded with the same pain they used to soothe, and now it feels like they are ruined forever. 

The weeks after Momo, Nayeon becomes accustomed to this sadness. She spends so much time with it, she learns its ins and outs, its edges and curves are set on her memory, she can recognize it with the barest touch, the smallest glance. It’s a sadness that’s so all-encompassing, its aura so dense and heavy that it feels like it has become a part of Nayeon; they’ve been sewed together by some sort of unbreakable steel thread and the darkness that it brings will never leave Nayeon. But it’s this feeling of permanence that eventually makes it fade out, slowly, and what sounded like loud television static lowers itself to a hum in the background.

It will be a while before Nayeon can quiet it down completely, she knows. But just toning it down a little brings with it a little bit of hope, shy and budding and scared of being too fleeting at first, but the bit of hope comes. And Nayeon will try to make it grow.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading<3 
> 
> title is from the song talia by king princess, if you read the lyrics you can see kind of the vibe i was going with for the story. i'm not sure i succeeded but~ there was an attempt.
> 
> let me know your thoughts or whatevr.


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